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| oh my lord that's early |
| 03.30.04 (4:39 pm) [edit] |
|
So we got up at 5am this morning which felt more like frigging 4 am because we are in that weird timeswitchjetlagwithoutfl yingcrapthing... it was dark. Marcus left to go to Lugano for the day business not pleasure and I trotted ( several hours later) off to work like a good little worker bee that I am. We ( Jayson and I) had our usual small battles over music he likes hip hop I don't ,I like hard and dark stuff and he doesn't we settle on radio and that kinda works. We constructed a small basketball hoop out of disused computer bits, anti static bags and cardboard and set up a score sheet ... i won the first shot two points to me. He refused to let me leave until he had beaten my scroe of 10pts and I let him win. he's young after all and a guy they hate to lose. in and around that we worked. but it was a ho hum day nothing big or exciting until I drank the apfelsholle ( a typical germany drink of apple juice and mineral ( fizzy) water mixed and got very sick with a nasty belly ache. Apples and gas don't mix. Lesson learned. I left early because I arrived early and now I am at home where I lounged on the couch, ate amazing cookies, watched some seriously badly dubbed Kung-Fu the series ( the second one not the origional) the one that was filmed in canada where he finds his now grown up son ( I love this show by the way) and then after the knife in belly feelings left I got up to sit some more infront of a computer like I don't do that enough during the day. grammer is for weenies. Now I will poodle about the house, probably think about cleaning up , gloat over my fabulous dead computer cpu collection, browse ebay consider laying some gold leaf and then wait for Marcus to come home. the sun shone all day today on the whole it was a good day. I didn't listen to the news peace love and happiness. until then, be excellent to each other! |
| spring ahead |
| 03.29.04 (9:23 pm) [edit] |
|
so it's really late/ early and I am so tired I feel like I have jet lag and I didn't even go any where. I can't express the feelings loud enough but I loath this stupid time change. useless and dumb and really really annoying. okay that out of the way the day was a nice one. Jayson was back at work yay and it was really quiet today with out the gaggle of women and only two guys plus me there. I am so amazed at how loud four chicks in one place can be. It's not bad it's just loud. Lots of buzzy energy and stuff. But today was quiet and just kinda went along, every time I looked at the clock it was later than it felt ( duh). the kingdom backlog mess from hell is slowly getting sorted out as much as I can. As Marcus says "You don't write the history you just keep the files up to date". getting lots of help from unexpected places which has somewhat restored my faith a bit. was starting to think that the snotty stunned arsed people rules the world, maybe it's only just a few and the rest of us drones actually care about what happening and get something done about it without the snarky commentary. Got no time for Snarks or egos either for that matter. nothing wrong with getting your hands dirty...garbage men are my heroes they do a job no one else wants to do. Pretty day today, bright cheery spring like. Cool bits in the recycle bin at work and got a great little private tour of old servers. Big Mfs, wow. I love my job and I even most of the time love my life.... it seems to me that it's a shame more people don't love their lives more. stop the violence stop the killing stop the wars. wars especially this last one are pointless. oil is not a good reason to murder. okay until then,be excellent to each other. |
| answer? / question |
| 03.27.04 (11:02 am) [edit] |
|
what is the point? |
| terror tuesdays |
| 03.23.04 (1:54 pm) [edit] |
|
So i sit here reading through the michael moore web site's must reads and I got to the exerpts from lettrs written by soldiers who were now dead and that set the tone. I sat here and cried. Will this current spree of kill kill kill and yet more killing ever stop? Why is this happening to htis degree now? Or is it just that we hear more about it due to better media sources? I feel this ever increasing weight of sadness that seems ever present. I feel for the people who have lost loved ones in these daily battles that take place over what? What are we all fighting over? I don't understand this and it's very sad. I bury myself in cleaning my study/ studio to prepare of some medival style painting a way of getting lost from the thoughts and sadness that permiates the air. I give my small fragile life meaning by collection things but in the end these things are useless things that have no meaning beyond what i give them. Ifthey are of monitary value it is a fleeting thing and ina 1000 years none of it will really matter any more. This current situation is breaking my heart. Please be nice to someone today, pass it along, smile at someone for no reason other than you have a smile to share. We are not alone, we are not single entities we are all bound toegther and one person's pain affects us all, one person's goodness also affects us all. Think about it, how would you like to be remembered for your smile or your frown. Your love or your hate.... check out Michaelmoore's web site and read som eof the things he has highlighted. Think about the world your children or prospective children are going to grow up in. recycle. Unconditional love is free hate takes waaaaaaaaaaaay more energy than love and acceptance. yeah :cry: until the, be excellent to each other. |
| stormy Sunday |
| 03.21.04 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
|
well with winds gusting up to 120km/h and storm strength 12 it was a very loud very wild night last night, today it's pretty much the same...windy. I love this weather! more later.... maybe Until then, be excellent to each other. |
| wet |
| 03.20.04 (6:52 pm) [edit] |
|
it is saturday and it's pissing down with rain. we cleaned the house, I disassembled, we went shopping marcus made supper ( curry chicken if you really want to know) and now being stuffed, or as one of our German friend said in English "fed up" I will now retire to the living room where I will sit on the couch like a potato and disassemble. I will drink some juice and probably a glass of some sort of alcoholic type drink later on. around 11pm I will most likely start to fall asleep on the couch and between then and two am ish Marcus will do his best to haul my dozey self off the couch to bed and then it will be sunday. I tell you I lead a very exciting life thankyou for your attention! Until then, be excellent to each other. |
| SSDSGPS |
| 03.19.04 (10:57 pm) [edit] |
|
MAX WON yay! it's not raining any more it is however dark and windy and later than before.... HUGS to those who requested.... see disclaimer for those disapointed in the length of the previous blog schlepping LCDs all day is not good for your health Cable is out for the evening the IO website got hacked ( which I think is very funny) Kim's new song is shivery goosebumpy good.... Kim you so rock! had enough yet????? okay BETEO! |
| TGIF |
| 03.19.04 (4:39 pm) [edit] |
|
it's friday. It's raining. I'm pooped. nuff said until then, be excellent to each other. |
| early birdies |
| 03.18.04 (6:18 am) [edit] |
|
okay so it's like early. the sun isn't up yet but the birds are. I think the crows got really cross at being woken up as well becaue they were complaining loudly...caw caw caw... they roost not far from us and at around oh my lord it's early in th emorning they make a HUGE fuss and then enmass fly off to where ever it is crows fly off to at that hour of the morning. The roost is a mix of crow ( Aaskrahe and rooks, Saatkrahe) mostly it's rooks who like to hang out in very large groups ( murders go figure). They are incredibly social birds and I love watching them... ifyou want to see some photos then you might want to pop over to my webpage ( that the 7-crows) one on the side bar. so it's early have I meantione dthis, and my fingers are not functioning yet. Neither is my caustic wit. :? Tja..... I am only on my second cup of coffee and it's an hour before I normally get up to trudge off to the funny farm I call work. Work is actually fun and the people I work with are very cool, very odd and very different...what would you expect from working at a big computer firm. It's pretty nifty....every so often we all get breakfast provided for us.. that was this tuesday. YUM. I wonder what surprises await me today, there are always fun and games there...always things that go wrong and things that just don't seem to go how they should... you know...gremlins in the system. hey it's like foggy out there. 8) anyway..... that's all for now...maybe later on there will be more.... unil then, be excellent to each other |
| Tool boxes make the world go around. |
| 03.17.04 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
|
Okay now, see, I know it's not considered normal for a chick to WANT to go to a baumarkt ( that's like home hardware/ Canadian tire for all you english speakers out there) but man oh man I jump at the chance. I love baumarkts, playground of the gods all those power tools.... ( tim tool time taylor eat yer heart out) today we went to the BIG baumarkt in Moorfleet right next door to my other favourite play place IKEA. We bought a nifty great big red fishing tackle style metal tool box for my dead computer bits, the torn apart hard drives, the dead cpu chips ( hey I have like old ones you know 486..ceramic chips, still dying to get my hands on 386's and 286's....) and server chips, celerons...... pentiums.... AMDs and so on..... lots of chips.... lots of almost everything computery componanty which requires LOTS of storage solutions. The big red eat yer heart out tim taylor box actually took most of the stuff I have here , all nicely sorted out by size, shape colour/..... drool... some woman do the shoe thing ( HI A) I do the dead computer bit thing.... Then at Ikea bonus dude we bought an onsale small grey metal style chest of drawers you know the I want to be a fileing cabinate when I grown up sort of chest of drawers.... had no handles but that's okay cuz I got tools baby. So we bought that for a bonus 24 euro ( 10 euro off) and carted the lot home cheerfully ( it was sunny and 21 degrees C here). No handles is not an issue cuz I have computer bits GALORE and now I have drawer knobs that once used to be the innards from hard drives, the bit that made the disk the actual here is my data disk spin ... some of them have a little place to put a screw ( get yer minds outta the gutter) and they make AWSOME drawer knobs. So I spent the rest of the day after we cleaned the balcony, did laundry went shopping and came home sorting through my stash of bits and disassembling ( my almost very favourite word) hard drives. Today was an awesome day! 9 months and counting till we move. everyone is jealous we get to go where it's warm and very pretty and the coffee is BUENO!!!!! for the moment my SCA scheiss is forgotten and I have just concentrated on being an artisticy sort of artist who splashed acrylic paints on canvas and then for some unknown reason sticks dead computer bits to it. Eventually it will be back to earth with a bump... tomorrow is supposed to be colder and wetter, Marcus flies to Munci so I need to walk to work ( gasp) his flying also requires that WE get up at like what five am or something completely ungodly..... for those of you who care NO word from the cat..... I think that if he has not met with some untimely end he is probably in a nice warm barn some where. For those of you who know... "T" has still not dained to speak with me.. oh the joys of pissing people off, like I give a flying fig. We are now making bets on whether or not my paintings are suddenly removed from said place to ex husband's place where they will most likely be handed over to me with some fairly wry commentary. Any takers on when?????? Birds, by the way are very very messy. in the meanwhile I need to go back to the livingroom cuz the couch is calling my name........................... so friends, bored readers and anyone else out there in blogland Until then, be excellent to each other!!!!! |
| toosdaysies |
| 03.16.04 (6:55 pm) [edit] |
|
yes it is tuesday I will most likey spend tonight doing what I did last night.. dissassembling hard drives. Yes you heard it tearing them apart , stripping the innards and gleefully prying out the super magnets they have. I love hard drives they are little treasure boxes. The PC hdd are the best but note book HDDs are also very cool apart from that, and mourning with Spain, life is relativly normal. I say that cuz tomorrow we is off to the doctors for our yearly inspection ( TUV) *grin*( Mi I see ya smiling) .... anyway it's back to the job of disassembling I love that word, he who fills his house up with the most magnets wins..... or at least attracts the most pots and pans.... magnetic personality can be had for a small fee. yeah know off the wall, It ell you it's the weather. Until then, be excellent to each other. |
| FRIDAYS!!!!!!!! |
| 03.12.04 (9:05 am) [edit] |
|
yay weekend is a commin..... I feel soooooooooooooooo much better and the stress of the not knowing is sloughing off to some other corner of the world.... meanwhile my life slowly regains some normalecy (sp). What is that anyway....? ----- For all you terrorists out there... [i][u][b]STOP BLOWING PEOPLE UP!!!!![/b][/u][/i] I mean Jeeze what is wrong with you all. Man if you're pissed about something write letters like the rest of us. Demonstrate PEACEFULLY!!!!!! Leave the C4 at home and stop creating bad Karma!!!! To Spain I say, you have my heartfelt condolences. And I don't know what else to add, it's too sad to find the right words. :cry: ----- Today will be a paint paint and paint day. After a great belly dance class on Wednesday ( I now know once again where my hips are) I feel ready to get back to life. Stop wandering abut the place like a lost sheep. Someone asked me how I felt about leaving my home, and I said that in reality I don't actually have a "home" per say I have moved way too many times, so it will just be the next stop along the way. But there will be lots of things to miss about here, especially my dance classes. :( anyway since I feel actually good for the first time in ages I am off to get some work done. ttfn Until then, be excellent to each other. |
| hot diggity dog |
| 03.10.04 (5:32 pm) [edit] |
|
So the deal is we move around the 1st of January 2005. I am not sure what bright spark thought that date up but there wasn't much thought given to what moving during the last two weeks of december would be like at all. Okay well never mind logistics, the date is set. oh boy oh boy oh boy could be interesting. meanwhile I fight with this mystery pain in my side ( stress most likely) and stress. Work is stress ( though not that much) and life is stress though less than two days ago. I spent the day painting yesterday and produced works which I love, very nice even Marcus wanted to keep one. *sigh* life s good, now I gotta learn italian yiipie!!!! anyway that's news. until then be excellent to each other. |
| D day or rather M day |
| 03.09.04 (11:35 pm) [edit] |
|
January 1st. beteo |
| what is with this winter? |
| 03.09.04 (7:47 am) [edit] |
|
I don't have a whole lot to saythis morning because it is just that morning...*yawn*. And it's twosdaisy. not quite middle of the week and still too close to Monday. work is chaotic. I mean that it's bats. Mostly because it is unorganised, they keep hiring completely computer illitreates or students who are there for 3 weeks...no wonder we can't seem to get it togather. oh wait maybe that's me because it's morning. *yawn* okay I am pretty illiterate right now... so I am going to go. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Mondays |
| 03.08.04 (5:11 pm) [edit] |
|
Marcus is sick I am sick enough said. until then, be excellent to each other |
| ticl tock |
| 03.05.04 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
|
are we there yet? is it time yet? man.... weekend yay buggery rats ho ho ho. ciao |
| twinning |
| 03.05.04 (2:24 pm) [edit] |
|
I loath waiting. I used to write poetry about it when I was younger, but in the end it never changes. waiting. The eternal lesson in patience comes from being unable to fold time. Nail biting, dish washing, bath taking nothing helps, the clock ticks as slowly as it ever did. When you drink as many cups of tea as is possibly useful then what? I have been reading Kim's words, Kim being the bass player of Zeromancer ( song writer guru etc...) and he has started this solo thing... goes along with it's own website filled with secrets waiting to be found, it's quite clever actually. What strikes me though is his words. This eerie echoey poetry, it reads like my words sometimes do and I wish i could just share coffee and words with this person because I think it would be interesting. There are resonances in what this person says. It's a little unnerving sometimes and I hope the music captures this echo. go check it out...the link for Ljungblut is on the side bar. So why is this and my problems with waiting bound endlessly together? Answer: they evoke the same restlessness. If it comes out in time I think Kim's solo cd will be a perfect summer cd, full of sweetness and longing, sadness and restlessness. I also should add...migrains really f*****g bite the monkey! they seem to get worse as I get older, perhaps it's the state of ennui. Don't you just love that word? Ennui I first heard that from Rob, where the hell are you Robert?????? Rob... captain of the black pearl. Hope that you are doing good cuz I miss you! Robert was also a person who used words very well. I am surrounded by people who are full of words, who have astounding magic within them and who have shared their magic with me, eithe rin person or inadvertantly through their own art. So look guys / gals and all you visiting extra terrestrials check out Kim's stuff, look at OOMPH and browse ZMR. Read Hesse and Jung, Philip Pullman and Janet Evanovitch. Listen to classical music and ac/dc.... wear black be moody drink tea go out in the sun live live live and that's about it. thanks Kim. B.E.T.E.O |
| on the other hand... |
| 03.05.04 (9:04 am) [edit] |
|
who cares? there are really way much bigger problems in the world than my tiny pea issues. So wouldn't world peace be nice? *sigh* just a thought. :shock: |
| How old are you anyway? |
| 03.05.04 (8:52 am) [edit] |
|
so I get this msg last night around 11ish ( I think) " Someone tried to break into the salon, you better take your paintings out" I was on the phone with Marcus atthe time and I read it out to him and he, like I did, laughed. I had been thinking about my artwork that currently hangs at the hair dresser where my "pal" works. But I wasn't expecting this fairly childish reaction. Not that I don't believe the salon had a possible break in but the snarky remove your art work was just too see through. Grow up, i say. Face your faults and your problems. Stop blaming everyone else for your misery. Since the fight ( if you can call four sms's a fight ) i personally have gone through a billion things. And many of then range from guilt ( which is short lived and stupid anyway) to a great sense of relief.... after this bizaar sms last night the weight off my shoulders is enormous. This is sand box politics here... you said somehting mean to me so I am taking my cat, my sand box and i am going home, nya nya nya. Oh and you can have your gifts back and get your stuff out of my house. So I start to see the other side of this person I considered a friend and I more and more believe that her ex must also be relieved she is gone. ( this is not to say she is a rotten person she isn't, but she's young in her soul.) He lets me use their dryer from time to time and I was in the flat on Tuesday, half expecting to see the place crawling with bugs and dirt ( after her constant complaints that he never does anything) and it was neat and tidy and pleasant to be in. I think he too got fed up of the constant drama.... "Oh I do everything for you and you do nothing for me..." this story gets old fast. so all of this has gotten me to thinking, mainly because it brings to mind another "friendship" I ended up walking away from ...hell you can only let your self be used if you allow it to happen right?, and i wonder why we seek out people who will eventually do things that seem, to our minds, rash, bizaar and on the whole just plain weird? Why dowe seek out these friendships with people who will use us? And we let this happen. My "pal" is not at all a bad person, but the last four months have been sheer hell in terms of emotional support and stuff. And since we all went through the "divorce" drama twice before it's old now, I know this story I don't want to hear it any more. If you are that fed up just go. If you want to stop going to dance classes just stop, you don't need to use me as an excuse, I like what I am doing so I won't stop. I think she got pissed because I didn't play the game. I am very self critical and I put up with a fair amount of stuff form people but i really hate being used. I hate it. I hate it because in the end I am responsable for letting it happen. So when I say stop inevitably someone gets hurt. Usually the other person more than me at first because I am too mad to be sad. The sadness at the friendhsip's end comes later. Today I feel very tired by the whole thing, it is exhausting physically and mentally to shed an influence in one's life that has a negative and draining effect. it's very dishearteneing. On the other hand maybe not, many of my great friendships ( the ones still lasting inspite of the long distances we have, have gone through some conflict or another where after the honeymoon phase ( stop laughing L.) which can last years)you suddenly shift roles or personalities change or what ever and you go through a conflict to establish the relationship roles again. Either it works or it doesn't. I know that I have been dumped by friends because I was too difficult and too needy so I guess it is something that we all go through in our lives on our way to finding out who we are, but it's a toughie. At the time I did not understand it and was of course hurt, but inretrospect I can see I was a large pain in the ass and jeeze I'da done the same thing. Some times the friendship survives and sometimes it doesn't. ------------------------- -------- So marcus comes home today. I am so glad, It's the strangest thing when he goes away I sudenly feel as though iam the only person in the world, it is like half my soul left the house with him. Like we are bound together by some invisable string that gets stretched real tight when we are apart, the further apart the more painful it is. Don't get me wrong, I can handle my self and live on my own but I don't want to any more. I have never had a partner who balanced me more perfectly, who puts things into perspective for me when I lose it. ( and vice versa) I wonder if he is my task companion. ( that is the Michael stuff here) They say essence twin is most of the time too painful. This is easy and works so I don't think that fits somehow. --- So, SCA wise, I have scrolls to do today, keep me busy and occupied. Yay. ------ the sun is shining, I wanted to sleep till 10 and was wide wide wide awake at 8am... go figure... so I guess work is the answer. that and more coffee of course. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| blink blink ....it's morning |
| 03.04.04 (11:01 am) [edit] |
|
goood morning all you out there in la la land... it is a beautiful bright sunny day here today. The sky is that awesome shade of break your heart blue and the sunlight is that oh my god where the hell are my sunglasses brilliant white. My roses are starting to grow and bud ( not flower bud) but rather just new growth bud. According to the meteorologists it's spring. According to my roses ..it is spring.... according to the birds it is spring its awesome! Now see this is the fabulous thing about living in europe ( this part) is that spring happens when it's acctually supposed to and not as my friend L. put it last night two months after the fact. I know that in Halifax and teh rest of Nova Scotia they willnot see spring for a while yet. it's spring here though...spring spring spring!!!!!! wait a sec I will go throw open the balconydoor and see how cold it is! ------ BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR okay so it just LOOKS like spring..... Today will be a great day. I can tell. I will sit here in my studio and work on SCA scrolls ( because I NEED to) and listen to cbc radio via internet from st. John's newfoundland. I will drink copeous amounts of RED ROSE tea specially brought fromCanada for me and utterly enjoy my day! maybe thursdays ( the real ones) are not so bad after all. it's too early ( that is to say I have not been up long enough yet) to give the good things list.... so today is the good thing! until then, be excellent to each other! |
| tee hee hee |
| 03.03.04 (11:44 pm) [edit] |
|
[b]Your page has been accessed 666 times.[/b][LINE] oh ho major coolness :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: |
| the more things change... |
| 03.03.04 (11:32 pm) [edit] |
|
So after a two year hiatus i finally got off my duff and phoned my friend L. we've been pals for years and ever and been through it all. 2hrs49 minutes and some seconds later we were all caught up.. I love t- online's cheap rates when you have their flat rate deal. Nothing like being with someone who just [u]knows[/u] you ( and A. will attest to that) to ground you. At least I needed grounding. I have discovered I talk my way through my troubles and problems once I discuss them they are solveable. Strange really. I look around my studio here and see all these reminders of L. ,the sea horse window decoration for example.... anyway L. if you're reading this huge hugs! I am glad you're out there and glad you were home today! *happy sigh* plus marcus made it safe and sound to the Ukrain and that's good. tomorrow is actually thursday ( see I told you all I was just not with it) and for the first time in two days I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP AT 5AM. happy happy joy joy okay , later dudes b.e.t.e.o. 8) |
| Thusday, it must be Thursday...I never could get the hang of Thusday |
| 03.03.04 (10:00 am) [edit] |
|
When I was much younger, my brother and I read two different sets of books which very much marked our lives. One set being the Chelsea Quinn Yarbro "Messages from michael" set.. on the spiritual nature of everything. The other being from Douglas Adams "the hitchicker's Guide to the Galaxy" on the ireverent nature of everything. I have never been certain which has had the greater impact. So to our story for the day. It's not so early although the 5 am wake up call did arrive and Marcus did leave the house on his way to the Ukrain. What's he doing there you ask? fixing stuff as usual. He arrived back here at almost midnight, since they all got held up by the de-icing proceedure in Switzerland. He was tired I was tired, we are both stressed and there's no time to talk since there were actually less than five hours before he had to get up and leave ( again). So what was accomplished? I don't actually know. on the subject of moving there still nothing concrete. Now it stands at 75% we move and 25% we stay. If we go and that seems 75% likely it will be in July/ august ( maybe).But we will need to know sooner since 3 months is required on letting go of the flat. Plus there are other things that need to be sorted out. because moving really sucks. I do not recall the last time I stayed in one place longer than 3 years. Maybe now, but it's a close call. I knew I should have kept all the boxes. I don't know how I feel about it any more. I want to go I don't want to go. vorteile nachteile... In light of some situations here moving would be a good thing, for others it would be a sad thing. I am caught and I suspect so is marcus. It's like banging your head on a wall. so the answer is we still don't really know. And the fight / soap opera continues. in the mean-while I still live here and the flat looks like hell might after a gentle breeze. the cat is gone, has not shown up here as suspected and I now begin to give up hope. Which is sad. :( Good things? I can't think of any lets see... coffee friends who don't attempt to speak for you and get defensive when you call them on it. belly dance good dark night of the soul goth music ( never ever too old) I am not dead yet and thursday only comes once a week. it's coffee time. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| old goths never die.... |
| 03.02.04 (10:08 pm) [edit] |
|
and they don't go away either. I have discovered that as I get older, my music gets louder and not just cuz I need to turn it up either. so for all you old goths andf punks.... you might want to check out some of the following bands,,,,, oomph - see side bar for link http://www.orkus-online.de/" title="http://www.orkus-online.de/" target="_blank"http://www.orkus-online.de/ ( you need to read german but check it out anyway cool links cool pics ZMR are also cool, The Rasmus of course, Rammstein the 69 eyes ( oh boy oh boy oh boy) did I say oh boy? http://69eyes.poko.fi/" title="http://69eyes.poko.fi/" target="_blank"http://69eyes.poko.fi/ and here http://www.the69eyes.org/ check out the video section and watch the video for Dance D'Amour. one word...yum. sisters of mercy we just spoke about...... peter murphy and bauhaus soundtrack of THE CROW the Crow ( movie comic....you get the idea) depeche Mode Witt well there are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more but you know this is enough to whet the appetite. until then, be very excellent! |
| and the answer is..... |
| 03.02.04 (5:24 pm) [edit] |
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maybe, probably but no one knows when arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: |
| just to add |
| 03.02.04 (7:08 am) [edit] |
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the cat still hasn't come back yet! :( be excellent - you know this drill |
| A slight case of over bombing... |
| 03.02.04 (6:49 am) [edit] |
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All you Sisters of Mercy fans out there.... hi! it's so early here that I am pretty sure I am actually still asleep and it's all just a dream.... So Marcus is off, gone to Switzerland and when he comes back we find out if things are gonna change or not. Could be interesting. There is definately some sort of pull in this direction as if all the elements that go into making a big life change are all getting into place, facilitating a move and a shift. We probably should have seen all this earlier but of course when you don't want to see things they ain't there!. I have been mulling over the behaviour of a friend of mine. The last three or four months have been particularly difficult with this person who is very "look at me" oriented and the drama level is very high. Not for the first time has she used me as a reason to quit, and not for the first time has she spoken about me with someone when I wasn't there about things that are not her business. When called out on this behaviour it is interesting to watch the patterns of 1. I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't say anything bad." and then 2. " well if you believe that then I am dissapointed in you." It has not yet occurred to her to ask me "HOW" I know this. I must admit I was a bit shocked when the third party involved who is going through a serious illness and with whom I have a deep and strong connection, suddenly for the first time ever calls me up because she is worried about me??? Asking me if everything is okay and how I am doing as though I were the one suffering a terrible illness..not she. Then I discover the ground for this... my "pal" has told her "everything". I was at first a bit bewildered by the "is everything okay" question because atthat very moment I was lying down on the couch with the heating pad on my belly agonizing about why in the hell i get cramps from hell, but since this doesn't count as a serious illness and secondy how did she know anyway??? I was very surprised. Yeah african dance is hard on my knees and sometimes I have lower back pain from some of the moves if *I* don't watch what I am doing but isn't this my own concern? If I don't want to do something or I find something too difficult or not to my taste...isn't it also my job/ responsability/ right/ choice.... to say something if I choose?????? I chose not to ,I have my own reasons but i keep these also to myself. So you can imagine I was shocked and then truly annoyed that through this pal of mine suddenly it sounded like african dance was killing me. what does one do? Since this has been a growing pattern for some time now I am more than fed up about it. A third party asks me a question and my pal answers for me before I have even had time to think about the answer then she gets pissy when i correct her because her answer was wrong. I undesrtand people go through difficult times and she is going through a difficult time but you know, much of that is her own doing. And after a while it's enough I don't want to hear for the billionth time how selfish and lazy her ex is/was/is/was.... Since he is also a friend and we ( Meaning my partner and I) get along with him as well, and every coin has two sides I don't believe anything she says any more. If you were to do that then poor her nothing ever goes right and it's all someone else's fault. Eventually you reach saturation point and enough is enough. Marcus says I have a very long fuse with a very abrupt stop. He says what probably surprises everyone who really gets on me nerves is the sudden not going to take that anymore. My general reaction has always been to walk away from it, but this time because unless I say something how will she know .... I decided to confront. I got exactly the response I knew I would, first the I didn't do anything wrongs then Marcus gets sms's from her ... tell your wife I didn't do anything wrong.... ( talk about going behind your back in front on your face) then the reproachful you are a bad friend crap. you know what I say? grow up and take responsability for your own life. If you want to quit something do so without using someone else as your excuse. You make your own happiness. You do no matter what anyone says it is a state of being and mind. ( okay so war victims and torture victims are definately excluded from this statement) I am talking about us western world fat cats who think that a split nail is a disaster and get pissy if we don't have enough cash to run out and buy the latest dvd or what ever... mass consumption. You know it will not make you happy inspite of what all television commercials and advertising tells you. Happiness comes from within. And it starts by liking and loving your ownself. Accepting who you are and striving to be better ( spiritually speaking) by being observant of the world around you. I mean how many of you out there stop and look at things? Trees or the sunset for example... do you know who your neighbours are? How many crows sit in the trees near your homes? bet you there are at least a couple that hang out on a regular basis. So while a friendship is on the rocks and like a previous one I stepped away from, I have my doubts as to whether or not this one will weather this storm, ( that is a wait and see thing) another friendship that has been waiting in the wings a long time is starting to slowly bloom. These two things are not unrelated. I am grateful but I also don't like it when people go over my head. most of us don't. ------------------------ So it's bloody early and Marcus is off to Lugano while I stay home and hold down the fort. ( this means doing laundry and cleaning) My only weapons of mass destruction are a mop and the washing machine.... ( all those poor germs and dirt...) Hopefully mother nature will ease off a bit and the cramps will go away. I will most likely sit down and stare at the computer monitor and if I am really lucky I will get the little penguin story written up for my siblings. outside the dawn is starting and that means the en mass flight of rooks and crows has started. they roost near us,... it gets loud. I need more coffee or I need to go back to bed and I am undecided about which will win, perhaps I will get a coffee and go snooze on the couch! until then, be excellent to each other. |
| one day |
| 03.01.04 (11:37 pm) [edit] |
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there are very few things in this word that bother me a whole lot any more but someone else speaking for me is definately right up there with bad government and war. It drives me nuts. so let me make this perfectly clear to everyone out there in la la land... I CAN SPEAK FOR MY SELF! (I just can't type very well.) Kate: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! A. welcome home ! tomorrow is d day or maybe I should say S day... will keep you posted. Couldit be , switzerland here we come? ack! Do I need to learn yet another language???? mamma Mia! have drawn up a tentative peace treaty with current king and queen. they agree to do things their way and I agree it's a bad way of doing things but will do my best to work around it. okay it's bed time, early wake up call tomorrow and a big busy day! until then, be excellent to each other. |
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moon phases |