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| world weary |
| 02.28.04 (6:59 pm) [edit] |
|
lazy saturday with my best friend inthe world. I am working through a sadness but i don't know where it is all coming from. Sincethis happens form time to time I am assuming it's normal for me. But it's heartbreaking and heavy. in two days we will know more and then see what the wheel turns for us. in the mean time love to all! A. Have a safe journey home, I miss you more than you know! until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Augen Auf |
| 02.27.04 (10:11 am) [edit] |
|
I highly suggest OOMPH! New video is absolut klasse!!!!!!!!!! So today is sunny. I am waiting waiting waiting. waiting sucks but I am so used to it it's just a state of mind now. A mental waiting room. I paint mine toothpaste green and hang bad prints of dull landscapes in it, but I play heard and heavy music so that you can't go to sleep. maybe Francis Bacon's art work would be more appropriate for today. Evolve through movement and leave the energy behind. It is easier to think while moving, center and stay there. How the hell to get beyond this excess energy? How to deal with the physical pain? Isthe pain a manifestation of inner turmoil and sadness, frustration and restlessness. Most likely it is. Most likely it is always this way, stress manifesting as physical pain until you get really for real sick with no cures. There are no anti biotics for stress induced psychosis. There is meditation and dance, walks and nature. Deep breath , the air is cold and sharp. It should wake you up. If I play the same song over and over will it exorsize the demons? I doubt it this routine has been tried before. I wish to hide and stay there, not, mind you, that this is an answer it is only putting off the inevitable for a while and it is all inevitable you know ( just as Mr. Smith says). eckstein eckstein, alles muss versteckt sein.... Two years of hiding at home to open up and come out, to discover that the main world is even loonier than before.What happened to us all? Why are we so aggressive? what is with all this hate and bitter jealousy? Is it possible that just for one day, one measley day we could actually put away all the silly toys and be NICE to one another? Put away all the stupid rivalry and differences and shake hands? What the hell is with this more more more crap? Why is debt suddenly a GOOD thing? Buy more more more bigger better,.... except it's not better it's just more disposable. We throw away like we breath and soon we won't be able to breath any more. I am in awe at the stupidity and greed of the world in general. C'mon people get it together why don't you? there are so many more important things going on. *sigh* of course this all begins at home, if you can't be nice from ground zero up how can we expect the rest of the world to be nice? It's a trickle up theory. I am so gen x sometimes WHO KNOWS? WHO CARES? WHY BOTHER? trouble is I do know, I do care and now I bother about it all too. Stop blowing each other up just because your god has a different name. Stop killing each other just because your skin is a different colour. Stop racial slurs just because the culture doesn't go your way. One of these days there will be no differences, what will we kill each other over then for I wonder. bad thing . still no cat. My guess is he's gone gone gone. :cry: good things it's friday no snow good music Marcus okay I can't sit any more. the bath tub is calling! until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Pissed off. |
| 02.26.04 (12:10 pm) [edit] |
|
so just so that the world knows... now is not a good time! What , I ask you, is the point of taking on a kingdom office if the crown bypasses the system? Do they think they are doing me a favour? all that's happening is more bloody work is being created. oh my lord i am so ready to throw everything out the bloody window and the fun and games haven't even started yet. I have three letters DIY!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that what ever is coming down the pipe hurries up and comes soon. :( :evil: maybe I should take up yodeling. -------------------- A. has gone to london. I hope the flight was great but already I miss her. As Arthur Dent was fond of saying, "it must be a thursday, I never couldget the hang of thursdays." and on that note I am gonna take my very pissed off self to the kitchen and make self a rather large cup of tea since my best buddy carted Red Rose tea all the way from home for me. YUM good things: I don't have to shovel snow I don't have to shovel snow I don't have to shovel snow n'uff said. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Yeah I know.... |
| 02.24.04 (1:20 pm) [edit] |
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I know I know, two days no updates. sheeesh well my excuse I have a visitor and in between work and sleep she gets my attention. Yay, nothing like shopping with your girlfriend to make the time whisk away. You don't even have to buy just shop, look and walk till you drop. it's been great ! on the other hand Pupsi still hasn't shown up, now we all worry, it's been nearly a week and minus temps at night are not so good for a little kitty out on the town. I whistle for him here in the hopes that he will turn up but that hope fades as the days add up. It's depressing as he was like part of our family too, often coming to our window to be bored with us rather than be bored at home. *sigh* I guess that's it for now. hope to have a quiet day, catch up on sca stuff and just relax. I work too many over hours at work so now I can not go in as much until I hear other wise. strange system. that's it folks now you know why there havn't been any entries in the last few days. Not much to tell. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Still no Cat |
| 02.21.04 (10:03 am) [edit] |
|
So, okay, pupsi the wayward cat still hasn't sgown up yet. I am perfectly sure if he hasn't met with some drastic misfortune he's still trying to get home. I expect him to show up here sometime during the next week all cross because he doesn't have his own key to get in and if he could get in he'd be even more annoyed because someone removed his toilet. hope he's okay though, it's a mighty big world outthere with lots of cars for a one wee cat to contend with. Big things planned for today... [b][u]IKEA!!!!!![/u][/b]t his is like doing battle on a saturday by the way, crowds of insane German shoppers all trying to stuff their carts full of trendy swedish goods for a bargain. Madness sheer madness. Must remember to buy tea lights. It's very sunny today this is a great thing. we watched the 100 most annoying songs last night and the pizza hut song won. Gah! People actually make money writing these songs??????I am so in the wrong business. anyway i am off to get ready for my day and find some more coffee. cheeries until then, be excellent to each other! |
| later on.... |
| 02.20.04 (10:28 am) [edit] |
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It is now later, clean and awake... the sun continues to shine, I am astounded at how bright it is, how clean it all looks when the sky is just that shade of break your heart blue, no clouds, and a still cold that is fresh clean and sort of amazing all at the same time. It's very quiet here and the only sounds apart from the clacking of the keys as I type is the whirr of the computer fan. It's a comforting sound actually, who would have thought that? A whirring fan is a happy sound ...meaning that so far the computer is happy and working. This is [u][b]ALWAYS[/b][/u] a good thing. I sit here , chatting with friends through usual suspect of mediums and ponder about selfishness. Or perhaps better to say blindness. how to approach the subject with someone who doesn't understand that their actions ( or lack of action) is starting to hurt other people and affect their ability to work. How many times does one have to ask "can you please turn that down / off/ or put on something different?" I am always surprised at the lack of consideration many people seem to have for the people around them, as if that the space they inhabit is for them alone and what ever anyone else thinks is immaterial. I don't even think it's deliberate, it's just indifferent. How can you not know that everything you do, and say effects everything going on around you? It's like stones in a pond the ripples go out and come back and go out and come back. Everything directly or indirectly effects everything else. it's all energy. It travels around. gets shared and so on. the question I suppose is how to make others aware that they effect the world around them without being negative about it? no answer on that ,though I am trying to learn. :( I asked M. to bring my plants form work home, the heating is on all the time and it's drying them out faster than anyone can water them so I want them home where I can take care of them. Living things, it's so nice. We have lots of very beautiful plants in the flat and they seem happy enough here. There's even a hydroponic experiment going on with the small fountain thingy we have. With plants in the water I don't have to change the water in the bowl nearly as often, they filter the water a lot... makes you think if we chop down all the trees ( as we seem to like to do) how will the earth filter the water? We recycle like mad here and I am joyfully happy to do so. It's a small thing but it counts. As I get older I am more and more aware of the negative aspects of humanity on this planet.... and the I am sort of stunned that the biggest offender of environmental dirtying wants to run off to mars and start all over again up there. We didn't learn anything here, we're running out of the easy energy ( oil is easier than wind????????)so lets go spoil the next planet in the solar system. *sigh* I am glad to be living in Europe especially Germany right now, where bare breasts don't scare the bejesus out of a nation but hand guns sure do. it's breakfast time. It's beauiful outside and it's FRIDAY! Until then, be excellent to each other! |
| Caustic and morning |
| 02.20.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
|
So I re read what I wrote yesterday and though sheeesh what a complainy bitchy rant. Oh well, some days are just like that. the cat is still missing and the worry increases. i bet the stunned little bugger is really trying to come back here. ( starts singing.... and the cat came back the very next day...) Tired, tired and waking up after sleeping on the couch ( we give our bedroom up as the guest room) and awakening to the most gorgeous rosey golden sunrise. how exquisite. Thinking, man Glad I am not in Halifax today ... state of emergancy declared...biggest snow storm ever in ages. I miss the big blizzards though, here in North Germany the weather variant isn't quite so dramatic..though you do get some wicked storms flying through every now and then. I'll type more later when I am coherant enough to see the key board. until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Drama and dust and spam |
| 02.19.04 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
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What the hell is up with all the *#@!@#$%^!!! drama?? Good grief. It's pretty sad when one wants to avoid someone who is supposed to be a friend because every single thing is huge, dramatic and a tragedy. Phrases like it is the worst day of my life.... or I am so sick form worry because the cat has been out all night that I didn't sleep a wink...or Life is so unfair and I don't understand....I simply can't deal with it right, I have enough drama of my own and it's all stuff I can't talk to most people about! And so now the cat has gone missing... well hullo, the cat lived in the same place all it's life and now suddenly got moved and was let out because this is an outdoor cat and now it hasn't come home. and before everyone leaps on me.. I had two cats once and one of them ran away I was also worried about him and I went searching for him for hours.... found him happy and very pleased with himself for being able to have a night on the town so to speak, the other inspite of all tryings to keep her indoors got out and was hit by a car. I mourn for her, she was a great cat. But there are bigger things in life sometimes you just need to deal with it. The other one, the male found a happy life with someone who didn't move around so much, and if he is still alive then he's happy fat and content. I'm betting that this particular cat is right now, as I type trying to find it's way home, this home it's I lived here all my life home. He's very smart, and speaks two languages. *sigh* Life is but a stage...pass the make up and don't forget to bow! All I want to do is tell this person to calm down a bit. jeeze. There are really big things out there to get worked up about, whether or not your ex does some dishes is not one of them. ya know? You tear yourself up worrying about stuff you can't do much about. It's kinda silly when you really think about it. the really sad thing is that I too am guilty of the drama queen act and there are probably about twenty people out there all nodding their heads laughing their asses off. you know it's like the song says...the cat will come back. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!!! Do I feel better? nope not really, I feel mean spirited and frustrated and I don't know what to do about it. Subject #2 DUST where does it all come from? I mean i vacuum and clean ( not enough obviously) and there is still tons of dust and dust monsters to fill an ocean. Whats' up with that anyway? Okay so I am not real keen on house work but still...someone shoudl invent nanobots that eat dust. Good things on the list today A. comes for a visit! I don't have to swap modems the sun is shining ( though it's brrrrr chilly) we have great coffee and an espresso machine :) oh happy happy joy joy and the house is getting tidy while listening to some serious darkly beautiful music. You know I should point out to all you spammers out there, you are totally wasting your time. I don't have a penis to enlarge. Mailwasher is the only way to go. sheesh. nor do I want massive deals on ebay stuff... or for that matter magic love gel to make her tingle??????? er uh no thanks! Do us all a favour and **** off. No one reads spam anyway and we all spend so much energy trying to get rid of it I am sure we could light up a city! Spammers... do something productive with your time! Spam is not productive. 8 hours till the plane lands !!!! 8 hours to get the house in order!!!!! *sigh* time for a nice cup of tea, whistle to see if thecat really has come back and back to the war with the dust bunnies! until then, be excellent to each other. |
| buggery rats |
| 02.18.04 (7:02 pm) [edit] |
|
So, it's wednesday. ( ja state the obvious whydontcha)It was very bright and sun shiney today. I have discovered a huge lack of tolerance for hip hop / rap music that isn't really music it's more like noise. WEll some of it anyway. :( make that most of it. I sound old when I say that I know, but it's true. I'd rather listen to Zeromancer, Rammstein or 69 eyes ( to name a few) ( no, at the moment I am not all dressed in black and obsessed with vampires) all day but since if I did that at work there'd be a riot, I feel miffed that I put up with hip hop etc...*sigh* okay so that was my rant! I am glad to be home where the only noise is the hum of the computer and the sound of the keyboard as I type. Tidy up the house day tomorrow, My buddy comes yippie laundry laundry laundry ( yeah that too, be easier if we had a dryer) okay my brain is fried and I can't type in straight lines any more. It's time to kick back, glass of wine, something to eat and do nothing. hah!!! Good things today - possability of getting a real PT contract ( maybe) sun chicken salad for lunch I get to chat with my sister more often now I am home! no more hip hop buggery rats.... enough of computers I spent my whole day in front of one!!!!! until then, be excellent to each other. |
| Twoosdaisies |
| 02.17.04 (2:12 pm) [edit] |
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North German weather.... can you even call this [i]ohne ende grau[/i] weather????????? I don't think so. Yesterday , being Monday, was just that a Monday, nothing too wonderful or too bad. Today it's just grey. Work was productive ( yay us) and the walk home was painful.... blister blister blister. I wonder if I can trade my feet in for a new pair that actually match my shoes. If it were just one pair of shoes that gave blisters I would change the shoes but it's all of them and it doesn't matter how long I wear them or how old they are or what ever.... so it must be my feet!!! barefoot is the only way to go you know... :twisted: Have to get this bombsite of a flat tidy my bestest pal is showing up on my doorstep from across the pond on Thursday. whoooohoooooooooooooooo!! !! this will be super fine fun. Hope the sun finds us here. It feels a bit like the forsaken land. Sheesh! good things: productive work busy busy busy it's not -26 degrees out. and the kettle just boiled for tea. can't get better than this you know. I should probably add that the scribal side of things goes... this signet clerk job is for the birds but it's a nice way to meet more talented people and there are lots out there. I just keep working away making blank scrolls ( ya know, practice practice practice) I shifted to a batarde hand and that's fun, though the hand switching thing is like switching languages and I keep mixing things up. Still he best part is the nib sharpeneing gig...... the pen is mightier than the sword takes on whole new meanings when you slide the metal nib oh so sweetly across the stone... screeeee screeeeeeeeeeee screeeeeeeeeee. Blood as ink??? ya never know, certainly the nibs cut paper, I dull them on leather and I spend more time honeing the nib than writing these days. Bored? no not really but I am very very frustrated. The sca in all its glory. For those of you who don't yet know the magic of medieval mahem www.sca.org.... what else did I want to yell about while have my own personal electronic soap box? oh yeah [i][u][b]WHERE THE HELL IS THE #@&*^+%!@#!!!!SUN?????[/b ][/u][/i] okay kitties, I am outta here, blistered feet and all. until then, be excellent to each other! |
| Sunday - the day after |
| 02.15.04 (12:28 pm) [edit] |
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Okay, so it's a Sunday. My next door neighbour is moving out, having split up for the 3rd time with her husband, and this time she's taking the cats with her. I suppose this is sad for us , as one of the cats visits regularly. I'll miss him. Since allergies make it almost impossible for us to have our own cats it was kinda cool to have a part time one. Everything seems to be changing, even our lives are changing sometimes in a big way and sometimes small changes. Today I feel that and it makes me sad. I guess I am a bit fed up about everything. Good points to notice, the sun is trying to shine Toten Hosen dvd is great my computer works again and there are lots of beautiful flowers in the flat from yesterday. Monday it's back to work and all the craziness that brings..better than sitting at home moping! anyway. it's sunday... until then be excellent to each other! |
| hearts and hard drives |
| 02.14.04 (9:17 am) [edit] |
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Good morning world, Today I woke up to candles and coffee and fog. It's my birthday and I am now officially older but I don't feel it, I think this is a good thing. :) It's still and quiet this morning and this thick fog lies white like almost invisable snow over the world. Yesterday you could smell spring in the air and today it's cold Flowers arrived last night from my family so so far away, beautiful and bright! Thankyou!!!!! okay well that's enough for early this morning, maybe more later... Happy Valentine's day World.. until then, be excellent to each other! |
| day in the life.... |
| 02.13.04 (12:48 pm) [edit] |
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cup of tea... sit, think, get up do laundry, sit, think and drink the now cold cup of tea. Everyday is not like this, thank goodness, but that's okay, it's a diversion from worries and things that have not yet happened. The possibility looms, why is it that the "maybe" is worse than the actuality? Old friends refound and new friends slowly vanishing. Sitting here with this now cold cup of tea, I am wondering what is wrong with the world, was it always this insane or am I just more aware now? who knows.... good news of recent...Kim's web site - Kim being a member of the band Zeromancer and he is doing some solo works... just in case anyone out there is paying attention, these guys are worth paying attention to. other good news....the sun shines and it's Friday. at around five o'clock the family re-connects and the crows fly to their roost. maybe tomorrow will be less jumbled and bring better news over all. till then, be excellent to each other... [LINE] [LINE] |
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moon phases |